The Singapore Test: The Ultimate Measure of Any Relationship

We’ve all been there: You’re at a friend’s wedding, dateless and determined to find…well, something, wounds lingering from a recent (or not so recent) break-up, and you’re hoping that maybe, just maybe you’ll be able to find some cute guy to at least make the long drive or flight seem worth it. You deserve this.

You start scoping the room for available men. There are tons of attractive guys, but most of them are taken already, of course. After a few hours pass, you’re about ready to take anything that comes your way…except maybe the creepy 50+ men who have been sizing you up all night…but they’re even starting to seem appealing.

Then, as luck would have it, you walk up to a group of old college friends just at the moment when one of them mentions that their friend is currently dancing alone on the dance floor. It takes you all of ten seconds to assess the situation. You have two vital questions to ask:

“Is he straight?”
“Yes.”
“Is he single?”
“Yes.”
“I’m on it!”

You take one last gulp of liquid courage and head over to the dance floor and just go for it, careful not to make eye contact for the first couple of minutes. When you finally do glance up, you realize he’s not completely turned off by your audacious behavior. In fact, he looks intrigued. After a few more minutes go by, he’s still dancing with you. And after a few more months go by, you’re married to each other and preparing to move to Singapore.

Or, at least that’s how it happened with my husband and me.

Andreas and me shortly after our nuptials: 3.11.13

For the majority of our admittedly short relationship, the prospect of moving to Singapore has loomed over us, bringing with it much excitement and many more burdens. Just six weeks into our relationship, we had barely said “I love you” to each other when my husband was offered a  lucrative position on the other side of the world, and we were forced to make a major decision about whether or not we were ready to commit to each other. Permanently.

These past few months have been stressful in ways I’ve never experienced before, but, as is always the case in these situations, I’ve also experienced more happiness and contentment than I ever thought possible. Never before have I learned so much about my partner in such a short period of time, nor have I been able to work through trials with another person so readily as I have with my husband. It has been an intense few months, but I wouldn’t change them for any of the slow-moving “safe” relationships I’ve been in before.

In a period of six months, we’ve had to learn to adjust and reorganize our lives in ways that many couples may never experience. We’ve learned to be flexible, understanding, and compassionate with each other. We’ve learned how to communicate (and how not to communicate) with each other and we’ve experienced each other at our absolute worst (although, I’m fairly certain my husband has had to bear the brunt of this). As we continue to work through the last few obstacles in preparation for our move to the other side of the world, I’ve often found myself thinking about how we were able to get to this place of familiarity and comfort in such a short period of time, especially when both of us have been in other long-term relationships where we would never have moved this quickly.

The answer lies in a singular question, one that we were forced to consider at a very early stage in our relationship, the ultimate test, “Would I move to Singapore for him/her?” If the answer had been no, then we would have gone our separate ways months ago. But instead, we’ve endured the “Singapore Test,” and with our move just four short weeks away, we now prepare to launch into the experimental phase of our journey, one that will most definitely bring with it many hardships, but (hopefully) many joys and blessings as well.